


Yours

by YlvaUllsdotter



Series: This Is Us [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean's POV, Did I Mention Angst?, F/M, If You Squint - Freeform, Swearing, Vampires, bottom!Dean, canon violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 00:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13869294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YlvaUllsdotter/pseuds/YlvaUllsdotter
Summary: Dean beats himself up for breaking up with you until Sam confronts him and he comes crawling back begging for forgiveness.





	Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @just-another-busy-fangirl's Give Me More challenge on Tumblr. Part 1 is Mine, but this one can be read as a stand-alone one-shot. There is a lot of angst. Mind the tags. I apologize for nothing.

“NO!”

The word ripped from my throat as the last vampire launched himself at Y/N, and it looked like she was done for. What I forgot to count on was her lightning reflexes and her skill with a blade. At the last possible moment, [the short heavy blade](https://i.imgur.com/ceRW7bz.jpg?1) she was using sliced through his neck and his head bounced across the floor. It took me a moment to realize the sound echoing through the small shack was her laugh, as she wiped the blood off her blade on the dead vamp’s clothing before sliding it back in its sheath.

“Jesus, Y/N! Don’t fucking scare me like that!” My voice was a lot angrier than I meant it to be, but she had just scared me half to death. I thought she was done for and my heart was still recovering from the thought of life without her. Luckily, she laughed it off as she grabbed me and placed a sloppy kiss right on my lips, making Sammy groan in disgust.

“Guys! Really! Get a room!” He stomped out of there, leaving us alone, which was a good thing because after that near-death experience, I needed her more than I had ever needed her before. I pushed her up against the wall, crushing my lips to hers, needing to feel her breath, to know she was still alive. All the words in my head that I wanted to say to her melted into nothing as she welcomed me with her warmth.

Later, back in the Bunker, Sam apparently noticed I needed to be alone and made himself scarce. I wandered the hallways for a while, for all the world like a lost spirit. As much as I loved her, and boy did I love her, I knew that I needed to get away from her. In fact, I needed to leave her precisely because I loved her. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her, and if I stayed with her, something was bound to happen to her. It always did, in my experience.

I showed up at her house for her birthday, feeling like a worthless piece of crap, knowing how much I was going to hurt her. But I would rather break her heart than let her die. I was uncertain how I would go on in life without her, but at least knowing she was alive and well somewhere else might make it a little easier.

When she met me at the door, her lips against mine, it felt like a punch to the gut. I had to remind myself to keep breathing, to smile, to respond with words. She noticed. Of course she noticed. She knew me probably better than I knew myself. 

Like a coward, I waited until she confronted me. Dredging up every ounce of willpower I could muster, I shut myself off, so I would only show her the cold indifference that would make her believe the lie. The words burned in my mouth like acid and the moment I said them I could tell she believed it, and I hated myself. When she told me to go, I left. Walked out of her life forever.

Afterward, I threw myself into the work, finding case after case, going off without Sam. I knew he was worried about me, but I stayed out of his way to avoid his questions. He also knew me far too well. I went back to living on the road, only going by the Bunker to check in with Sammy, make sure he was ok, before heading back out again. I was on a mission to eradicate every evil motherfucker in the world so she would be safe. That was the only thing that mattered. 

Six months went by before Sam managed to corner me at one of my infrequent visits to the Bunker. He punched me in the face, the bastard. Made me confess everything. To be honest, I wanted to tell him at this point. It was eating away at me, slowly killing me. I had to stay alive for Sammy. And for her.

Sam made me realize what a massive dumbass I had been. I wanted her to be safe, so I left her, but life without her was no life. I was completely empty inside. Where her love had fueled me before, now there was only an empty hole and no matter what I did, no matter how many monsters I killed, that hole would never go away. When I finally realized what I had done, I broke. I cried in Sam’s arms like a baby.

So here I am, sitting in my car in front of her house. Not stalkery at all. Why would she ever want to take me back? I hurt her, broke her heart, and left her. If she broke my jaw and slammed the door in my face, it would still be less than I deserved. 

I can see her car in the driveway, so I know she is home, but still I sit here, unable to muster the courage to walk up to her door and do what I need to. The sun is starting to set and I get a flashback to the last time I was here, like a knife to the heart. I let the pain flow through me. I deserve it.

Finally, as the twilight is fading, I shuffle up the path to her door. Again, I hesitate before knocking. Two knocks that seem to reverberate in the silence around me. I hear her steps on the other side of the door and have to remind myself to breathe as the door opens.

She looks amazing. Strong and confident. Then she must have registered who I am because her eyes cloud with pain before an almost tangible wall slams down between us.

“Dean.”

God, her voice is completely devoid of any emotion and it cuts straight to my soul. How could I have done this to her? I am a monster.

“Y/N…” Somehow I manage to keep my voice from breaking, but the tremble is there, clear as day.

“What do you want, Dean?”

The speech I had rehearsed all day while sitting in my car escapes me. Impulsively, I go down on my knees, right there on her front step, in full view of the whole street. I keep my eyes on her bare feet because looking her in the eyes is just impossible right now. 

“I was...I was an idiot..and I hurt you...and I am so so so very sorry. I just wanted to tell you that. I understand if you never want to see me again, I just needed you to know how very sorry I am, and I will never forgive myself for hurting you…” The words bubble out of me, and I realize I am babbling. 

She is quiet for so long, if her feet had not been right there in front of me I would have thought she left. 

“Inside.” Just that one word, but it sparks the tiniest glimmer of hope in my chest. I shuffle inside as fast as I can, past her tense form where she is holding the door open. I hear it close and lock behind me and then she is in front of me again.

“I need to know why.”

Her voice is still flat and emotionless, but at least she is giving me a chance to explain. 

“It was the hunt...with the vamps...that one vamp, the last one…” I cover my face with my hands as if I can hold the emotions in check with that pointless gesture. “I thought he was going to kill you, Y/N. I thought you were about to die and I couldn’t imagine a world without you in it. I would rather live without you, knowing you were safe, than put you in danger again.”

Once again the words flow out of me, I am going on pure instinct now, rehearsed speech forgotten. I just need her to know. My voice breaks, and I feel the tears well up in my eyes as the feelings overwhelm me.

“Seriously? That’s your reason for breaking my heart?” She huffs in frustration. “You, Dean Winchester, are a grade A moron. I have been hunting as long as you have. I can take care of myself, you ass. I don’t need you, or anyone, to protect me.”

Ok, she is really pissed. With good reason, but still. I should find it scary, but it is actually all manner of hot. I am definitely going to hell. Again.  


“I…”

“No! You listen to me, Dean! You broke my heart, you bastard. You told me you were mine, and then you up and tell me - out of the blue! - that you don’t love me anymore. What the hell?! Then, I don’t see you for six months, and here you are with the lamest excuse ever! How dare you?!”

I realize I am actually cowering before her righteous wrath. I would almost rather she punch me than assault me with her words. Because those words are all true, and it hurts worse than any physical injury. When the words finally stop, she is breathing hard, obviously emotional.

“Y/N...I know you’re angry, that you hate me, I mean...shit, I hate myself more than you ever could, but I really did just want to let you know that I'm sorry for hurting you and that I know what a massive dumbass I was...am. I will leave right now if you want, and you’ll never see me again.”

I am actually surprised at how meek I sound. I mean every word, obviously, and more. I am prepared to do anything she wants.

“You’re right, you are a dumbass.” Suddenly she is crouching down and her face is right there, and there is no way I can avoid her eyes now, especially since she is holding my face with both her hands, forcing me to look at her. “But you’re my dumbass, and I don’t want you to go.” 

All I can do is blink, probably with a dumb look on my face, as I process her words. She wants me to stay. That spark of hope in my chest flares up into a roaring fire that not even her sudden glare can tamp down.

“Oh no. I’m still mad at you, don’t you think otherwise. You’re going to have to make it up to me, big time, mister. Not to mention the time and effort you’re going to have to put into earning back my trust.”

I am nodding like a fucking bobblehead by now. Yes, yes, anything, anything at all, whatever you want, you got it. 

When she pulls me to my feet, I feel light headed and have to steady myself with a hand on the door frame. It is going to be a long road back, but at least she is giving me a chance. I really could not ask for more, after what I did. 

Because she is my life.


End file.
